Momo Momo

Talking and making sense - The art of communication

two girls on a bench

Hi princess,

I just came back from a scintillating concert which had many parts - Carnatic Violin, Carnatic Vocals, Odissi and Kathak performances. Two very young girls performed Odissi and their confidence and skill at such a young age just blew me away. I hope you grow up and excel at something you like as well. I have been thinking what to write and this very significant topic just popped up in my mind - The art of communication. 

We always try to tell people things, ever since we are babies - we babble to know what we want from our parents and then slowly learn to talk, scream, shout and cry. All of them are forms of communicating, of saying what you want to say. These letters themselves are my way of communicating everything I feel and think to you. But, effective communication is an art, every politician, entertainer, comedian knows this art very well. There are countless resources to teach you this art, but the following is what I have learnt from my life. 

Smiling makes someone's day, whether it's a cab driver, a barista or anyone you encounter - if are not sad yourself, spread the cheer and make them feel a part of your happiness. Similarly, a kind thank you ( a kind one, not a curt formal one) shows your appreciation in a small way towards all people you encounter and interact with. 

Never be afraid to state facts, but be careful about opinions. Often, we encounter people who pride themselves on being very "straightforward", actually often to their own disadvantage. Facts are sacrosanct, but opinions change and may be ill-informed, be very careful about communicating opinions, because an ill-informed opinion might cause unnecessary complications. 

Know the right place, time and mode to state facts, brash talking and matter of fact way of putting things might not be the best way every time. 

Talk you heart out and be honest - one thing I often regret is how less I talked to my father before he left us. Talk and clear your emotions and thoughts. People are built for communication, not for isolation. 

Making bullet points helps most of the time.

Silence is better than confused thoughts and expression.

Use words judiciously, a lot can be said in less words.

Best,

Dad

P.S - Last point, Always talk to dad :)

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Momo Momo

Simple sounding advice is usually too good to be true

Flower street

Hi little one,

Firstly, sorry for not keeping up to schedule last week, because I had gone to India for some urgent work. But, here I am, back again to dad and daughter trying to figure out life. Today's piece is about something I have realised over the years either by myself or by looking at other people's lives at a close range. It is the often over-looked fallacies of simple sounding advice. Before, I get started, I HAD to post this beautiful street in Pondicherry, India. 

When we are in our teens or just starting our careers, a lot of simple sounding advice is floating all around us by various mediums. Parents, relatives, friends, books are always ready to offer some dosage of it. But, all of it must be taken with a healthy dose of inspection and and suspicion, because they tend to hide or abstract away some complexities of life. Let me illustrate with few examples.

1. "Follow your passion" - Sounds good from fake motivational speakers and rebellious teenagers, but it is usually more complex than that. We may not be really good in what we are passionate about, when we realise this, does your passion for that particular thing wane ? Then, there is also the concern of your passion and job. If your passion pays well, then that's alright because you enjoy the work you do and you get paid for it. A way to think about your passion is as follows. If your passion is about long distance cycling, think what would happen if you were an average long distance cyclist. Would you be happy doing that as your job, would it pay well ? If not, its better to pursue something else and make your passion your hobby. This framework of thinking applies to any activity, think of what would happen if you were on average good at that activity. 

2. "Work Hard" - This is true but with conditions. Work hard, but work smarter. Organise your work into priority boxes and also by how difficult they are. Delegate or defer less important work. Always keep your mental and physical health above working hard. 

3. "Never give up" - Simply not true, if you do not get incrementally better at anything, there is no point in trying to do the same thing over and over again. For example, if your target is to run 5kms in 30 minutes, you should do something ( control breathing, better attire, better posture) to be incrementally better each time you run. Repeating the same experiment and expecting different results is a fool's task 

4. "Always be positive and cheerful" - It is impossible for a person to do this. Don't even try. Inspect and analyse your emotions - all of them. 

5. "Don't think what other think of you" - We are all social creatures, it is very natural that we do this. But, we should not compare or asses our self worth totally based on the judgement of others and ruin our mental health. 

If I can think of more, I will let you know. But whatever you dad says is true though ;)

Best,

Dad

P.S - I was in India to get our own house. I do not know if you will get to see it, but I hope you do. :)

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