Did you really forgive ? Do you really want a person to be happy ?

Hi darling,

It has been a few days since I wrote to you. Hope you are happy right now. If not, just remember that hate begets hate. The only way to end hate is love and compassion. It is true not only on a personal level but also between families, communities and even nations. Anyways, we often need to forgive someone, and sometimes it becomes really really hard to do just that. Sometimes, the people aren't even sorry. But, we often need to, for our own good. I just realized something about forgiveness and whether we really forgive someone or not.

Vengeance and hatred towards a person is like holding a burning coal in your hands waiting to throw it at that person. You burn yourself first. This is a remarkable insight from the Buddha. Forgiving the person is the only way to attain peace. I think if we really have forgiven a person and want a person to be happy, we need to answer the following question.

If you could control fate, would you always keep that person happy throughout their lives ?

If we are 100% sure that the answer to the above question is a resounding YES for a person, we truly want that person to be happy. If you are not so sure, then you still hold some grudges against that person. Often, we forgive a person, on the basis that I personally forgive you, but fate will take care of you. This is not complete forgiveness, this is partial forgiveness. You want that person to be hurt to teach him/her a lesson. You may have cooled down your flames of anger, but the hot ash is still there.

The same goes if you really want to know if you REALLY care for a person. Hope, this helps when you are in doubt over someone.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

P.S - For you, it will always be a BIG YES for me. Always :)