Did you really forgive ? Do you really want a person to be happy ?

Hi darling,

It has been a few days since I wrote to you. Hope you are happy right now. If not, just remember that hate begets hate. The only way to end hate is love and compassion. It is true not only on a personal level but also between families, communities and even nations. Anyways, we often need to forgive someone, and sometimes it becomes really really hard to do just that. Sometimes, the people aren't even sorry. But, we often need to, for our own good. I just realized something about forgiveness and whether we really forgive someone or not.

Vengeance and hatred towards a person is like holding a burning coal in your hands waiting to throw it at that person. You burn yourself first. This is a remarkable insight from the Buddha. Forgiving the person is the only way to attain peace. I think if we really have forgiven a person and want a person to be happy, we need to answer the following question.

If you could control fate, would you always keep that person happy throughout their lives ?

If we are 100% sure that the answer to the above question is a resounding YES for a person, we truly want that person to be happy. If you are not so sure, then you still hold some grudges against that person. Often, we forgive a person, on the basis that I personally forgive you, but fate will take care of you. This is not complete forgiveness, this is partial forgiveness. You want that person to be hurt to teach him/her a lesson. You may have cooled down your flames of anger, but the hot ash is still there.

The same goes if you really want to know if you REALLY care for a person. Hope, this helps when you are in doubt over someone.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

P.S - For you, it will always be a BIG YES for me. Always :)

When Karma comes for you.

Hi princess,

It has been some time since I wrote to you. A few days ago it was Diwali, with lights and festivities all around. There were no such celebrations for me, but I enjoyed being part of the warmth all around. It has been an exhilarating week, with me discovering lots of important pieces of information about life. I discovered Buddhism and have never felt this happy or calm before. I just wanted to talk about one of the central features of Buddhism called Karma.

Modern young urban people often use the word karma in a very fancy way. You can see lots of Instagram and Facebook posts claiming "Karma is a bitch","Karma will get you". It seems as if there is so much hate and bile amongst us that Karma is some sort of vehicle for revenge. Karma is not merely a hashtag to be used against your fancy vacation photos or your stylish clothes. Karma is in the mind, your thoughts are also equally a part of karma. Your ill-will towards someone or hatred towards someone generates lots of negative karma for you. It is a very complex concept which is lucidly explained by Buddhist masters. Two points are very important in this regard.

Whenever someone hurts us, it is in fashion to say that Karma will get you. But, we say it in hatred and that itself generates bad karma for us. 

Karma will come for us too. We should not complain then by saying "Why is this happening to me? , "What have I done ? " .

My main point is you cannot expect Karma to work for someone you want and not for you. Karma is not your slave. It is a natural law. 

Karma works for us too, and our bad karma will catch up with us sooner or later. It is of no use blaming others then. My best advice to you would be to introspect about all the instances in your life when you generated bad Karma. Instances, where you could have been more kind and compassionate. You will find a reason for your sadness and it will also take away your anger because you would have an answer to the question "Why is this happening to me? ".

I hope you this gives you peace and calm in times of distress.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

The Importance of Reaching Out

Hello darling,

Today is Dashami. The victory of good over evil. The victory of light over darkness. I had quite an interesting thought today. Somewhat related to the previous line. It's about how we forget the light in people and only see their dark and negative sides.

I went out today with my friends from college. We had drifted apart for quite some time, due to physical distance and also our busy lives. I noticed that the further we drifted apart, the more cynical and apprehensive we got of each other. We remembered the negative parts about the people more than the positive parts. But after we went out today, we had a great time and we forgot about all that we didn't like the other person. I think reaching out to people can clear a lot of difficulties. In the professional side, it can avoid a lot of misunderstanding. On the personal front, it can really rejuvenate a relationship. In a way, it was the victory of clear thought which lighted our way out of the narrow dark tunnel vision we had.

I think anytime, you find yourself not thinking right about a person or being angry or disappointed about the person and you don't know what's wrong, we should always spend some time with that person. We can do this until a point of time though. If the other person doesn't cooperate with us in our effort to clear up the situation we should back off after a certain point of time. Knowing when is the trick. Sometimes, we let our ego take centre stage and allow it to act on our behalf. We refuse to talk to that person. I also think knowing the difference between ego and self-respect is very important. 

Sorry if this letter raises more questions than answers, but I just wanted to discuss this with you.

Yours lovingly,
Dad